What a crazy, crazy week. Being a missionary has several uncanny parallelsto dating. Let alone the area book and referrals and other oddly applicableterminology, it's ricidulous how much scheming and matchmaking goes intothis process. Like deciding who would be the absolute perfect joint teach /eternal companion for your investigator. And then there are those horribletimes when you just get dumped. So Marja, this older Dutch woman in her 50s,felt a little too pushed and decided she was done. She truly loves Zr.Kriser (I only met with her once here) but it's true - she wasn't reallyready to act on anything (even reading out of the Book of Mormon) and Ithink combined with her bad experiences with JW's in the past, she decidedshe should back out for now. That was pretty sad, but I know the Lord has aplan for her. We had interviews on Tuesday with our mission president. HE prettymuch told me I'm in Gouda for a reason - to help build the ward (which is arecently combined ward and branch) and to really use this time to build myown spirituality. He said he sensed I've spent a lot of my life developingmy intellectual capabilities, and now it's time to really expand upon myspiritual foundation. So two questions for all you wise and experiencedreturned missionaries and members: 1) how exactly does one go about buildingthe faith of members? (as we've been specifically told that this is not thetime to badger them for referrals) and 2) what has helped you to build yourown spirituality? We had a really interesting experience during finding. Gouda is very,very Dutch, and thus finding here is a lot like the Bible Belt - a lot ofreligious families who really aren't interested but polite. And then a lotof Dutch people who are really tired of JW's and sometimes yell at us forwho we are not. Which really isn't that big of a deal. But occasionally youmeet someone who is just celestial. Like Anne, this Dutch woman in her late50s who talked to us very kindly and openly on the door. It was rainy reallyhard, and the wind totally broke my umbrella while we talked, so she invitedus in for tea. Turned out she'd talked to Mormons before, though she wasquite happy with her own church. But she was just so entirely positive andopen about her spirituality and so encouraging of us. She openly respectedus for what we were doing and let us share a scripture with her out of theBook of Mormon (which she already has in a shelf upstairs somewhere) andthanked us for bringing sunshine to her day. Then she told us to keep onknocking on doors, no matter how many grouchy Dutch people said no orslammed it on us. =) It was pretty funny. I really can't explain thegoodness of that woman. I'm pretty sure we'll hang out a lot in thecelestial kingdom. Saturday was as good an example of missionary work as any. We tracted ina smaller town outside of Gouda that hasn't been so burnt out, and got tomeet a cool religious man who LOVED Teach Me To Walk In The Light, and is soexcited to let us come back next week with more church music. So positive.We were quite favorably compared to JW's by a couple Dutch people, andmostly everyone was pretty nice to us (I really don't know what JW's havedone in Holland but is never ceases to amaze me how much people dislikethem. =/ ). Then we went to Alma, a woman who's had two baptisimal dates butalso a rather anti-preacher from her old church. We watched the Testamentswith her and talked about the importance of the Sacrament and coming tochurch and it was one of the best teaching experiences of my life.Unfortunately some pretty awful and random opposition kept her home the nextday, but it'll come. She will come. Then on the bus ride back God totally put an awesome girl on the bus Icould easily talk to. I asked her what she was listening to (LoreenaMcKennitt) which prompted a whole conversation about folk music, wicca (whatshe believes), Christianity, spiritual gifts, JW's in Holland, etc. etc. Itwas SUCH a cool conversation, and while she certainly wasn't looking, shereally respected that I as a Christian would have no qualms talking to aslightly gothic wiccan. Which of course I don't. I think she''ll really digthe Plan of Salvation pamphlet I gave her. She also could apparently see myguardian angel the whole time we talked (a middle aged man with light brownhair, who she guessed was probably one of my ancestors. I figure I've gotenough grandpas and great grandpas who served missions, and heaven knows Ineeded a guardian angel that first transfer on a bike, so whatev's =) ). Then we went to Anton, who also totally dumped us and broke my heart.He says he can't reconcile himself to the God of the Old Testament. Wetalked alot abotu God as our loving Heavenly Father. I'm pretty sure hisreal problem is that he can't bring himself to openly, sincerely pray. Evenat the end of the discussion he said he's waiting until he can really actand not hold himself back. I absolutely know I was supposed to meet him. Ashe talked about good and evil, binaries and dualities and social constructs(I asked him if he'd read Derrida and he hasn't, but it's ridiculous howmuch lit theory at BYU prepped me for this man), I could just see myself inhim. Someday his need to know will overpower his fears. And it's so funnyhow he sees us, and our experiences with prayer. He's in a funny way quitejealous of the trust we have in God. And he said he wished he coulddisqualify the trust and spiritual strength there is when we prayer, but hecan't. So you know. I really can't explain what it was like leaving andbiking to another appointment. Because I absolutely know the Lord is notdone with that man; so you cry a little bit on the bike and then the Saviorlifts you up and you go on to teach other people. Later that night we taught Elon the law of chastity with Sharlon (fromRotterdam! Who drove over to Gouda to come on joint teach). Sharlon wasbaptised 10 months ago and is now the second counselor in the Elder'sQuorum. I LOVE that man! He simply shines with goodness. I think it was themost powerful, simple lesson on chastity I've ever been part of. Elon was sosurprisingly down with it. Now he just needs to quit smoking... and come tochurch. Step for step. And the family who'se wife we visited a couple weeks ago, who decidednot to leave her husband, was in church yesterday!!! Miracle! Oh, that mademy heart happy. I also had my first appointment with JW's. We totally were unwillingto fight about anything, and I think the Spirit actually touched the wife(She was totally confused by how we teach people and expect them to come tothe same answers we do in prayer. She said, "How do you convince people?"and we answered honestly that we don't. We just ask the to pray about it,and trust they'll get the same answer we did.), though the husband had a funtime throwing out Bethlehem versus Jerusalem scriptures (I am totally notbothered by that anyway. I figure in Jospeh Smith wrote the BoM himself, hewould have been smart enough to get Bethlehem right if he could copy so manychapters of Isaiah word for word.). Anyway, I still think JW's are prettydecent people all in all. I got a Christmas letter from the Fullers, which was really awesome andfunny. I also was a little sick with a slight cold, but thanks for theinsane amount of Vitamin C Alisa mailed to me (Ï've been ingesting HallsVitamin C Defense cough drops a the rate of a chain smoker this week) itdidn't interfere with the work and I'm not fine. Thank you thank you thankyou! Gosh, I really love you people. And I love Gouda and Holland. Thegospel really is the most beautiful thing. It does nothing but good inpeople's lives. Prayer is such an elemental beautiful gift; don't take itfor granted that there really is a God who loves you and listens to youprayers (and will even answer them) - teaching Anton has taught me howabsolutely magnificent that prospect is to those who can't fathom it. I knowthe Holy Ghost really does lead to truth, and there are answers to all ofour questions if we simply keep on searching and asking and working forthem long enough. The work goes forth. I LOVE YOU ALL! =) zr Baxter